Last evening upon laying down on my bed and closing my eyes, I began to journey into a vision very quickly. I had not meditated, or even planned, it just happened. The lesson I was taught was so important, I felt the need to share it with you all.
My Journey
My journey began in what appeared to be the ruins of an old castle or cathedral, I don’t know which, but it was old stone and overgrown with vines – I remember seeing ivy, but also blooming vines. The passage was below ground, a hallway of sorts, but no roof. The floor was stone as well as the sides, and every once in a while I viewed arches of stone above me. I turned a corner and headed up very worn stairs and into a garden. There was a path through the garden filled with colorful flowers and trees; it was very peaceful. I followed the path and proceeded to move through various terrain – more gardens, paths, along water sources, into a forest; everything in more detail than I’ve ever had in a vision. It was like a movie, with the camera panning in and out on the details. I could see the moss growing on rocks and the vibrant colors and play of sunlight and darkness, and make out the nuances of each place.
Through it all I remained on a meandering path. Within the various terrain, I noticed various animals in the distance. I did see human looking figures but they appeared more cartoonish, very thin stick people, just a basic person’s shape in black outline moving about, stark contrast to the vivid details of the world around me. I saw a lot of deer, as well as butterflies, dragonflies, and other things that I wasn’t sure what they were, as some looked like one animal then seemed to shift into another. I began to think, well if I’m on this journey let me ask something of it, and I asked, “Please let me meet either my spirit guide or find a power animal”.
I kept walking, and for a little while after I’d asked that, I noticed even more dragonflies around me. They were buzzing about, various sizes, even landing on branches and flowers near me. At one point it appeared that I was surrounded by glassy wings like a picture of me on the path with a rounded vignette of dragonfly wings framing me on the path.
Soon after that experience, I realized I had moved into a darker part of the forest, though it didn’t give off a haunted or scary feeling, just a thick canopy above and darker than the area I’d been in before. I saw a figure ahead of me in a small grove wearing a black cloak with hood, I couldn’t see the face, but I knew it was a woman. She was standing in front of a small bonfire, the flames reaching up in a tall column to about her waist. I could see the firelight play about her form but the light never revealed her face. I noticed many ravens, crows and smaller black birds perched all around us. They were on the ground, on branches, everywhere I looked there were birds.
I approached and asked her who she was. This is when I started speaking out loud, both sides of the conversation. (I am sure I woke my husband, as he rolled over and made a noise, so I started speaking more softly!) She said that I knew who she was, and that she was known by many names and that she comes in many forms. I asked if she was Morrigan, and she replied “I am the Morrigu; the maiden, mother, crone.” She then began to name a list of other names she is known by, a long list and stated very quickly. I tried to remember the list of names, but I couldn’t make out when one name ended and another began. I did hear the second name, and it sounded like “Bay” and then something like “Nevin” further in the list, which I remember because it sounded like a boy’s name. Some of the names further down the list gave me the impression they were from various cultures and lands, of names she was known by through time and in different places.
I was overwhelmed and thought I need to get a message if it’s being offered, so I said out loud, “I am open and ready to hear the message you have for me,” and she said “To defeat the anger, be the anger. To defeat the sadness, be sad. To defeat the sickness, be the sickness. To defeat the sickness, be the sickness. To defeat the anger, be the anger. To defeat the boredom, be bored. Be. You must be. To defeat the sickness, be the sickness,” she kept repeating the last part several times, putting emphasis on the sickness part even if she added other things a few times.
I thought about it and said, “Does this mean that I need to stop fighting against being sick and just BE sick? Stop being so aggravated. That I need to just take each day as it comes, and learn the lesson each day from being sick?” She nodded. She also said, “Stop being a fucking baby.” Harsh, Battle Queen, very harsh. Then she told me that she was watching me, that all the crows and ravens around my house are her eyes watching me and that she was always there, always had been there. I wondered why the crows were involved as I thought she was more raven than crow, but I felt protected and appreciative. Then I began to return very quickly, going back through the terrain until the vision simply ended.
The Take-Away
I’ve only just begun to truly think about what this vision means to me, and to others. I discussed it with a few friends, and then my mother for feedback. My mother told me this was something I needed to share with others. I agreed.
I feel like it was a message to stop fighting against what is going on and just “BE”. The first thing she said was to defeat the anger, be the anger. Which to me, means, if you are angry stop telling yourself it’s bad and wrong to be angry and stop trying to push it down. Be with the anger, know it’s ok to be angry, hold space for the anger and honor it. Allow yourself to deal with the anger, then move on.
As I am currently dealing with illness that has made it difficult for me to do much more than rest, with others taking care of me, I have been struggling with feeling like a burden for about a week now. I’ve been thinking about my jobs, my clients, my work companions, friends and responsibilities. I have felt trapped in this sickness, unable to complete what I need to do. Defeated. That was the exact word I’ve been using for several days. But she said, verbatim, “to defeat the sickness, be the sickness”. How incredible is this lesson? BE the sickness. Take each day, and just be freakin’ sick. Learn the lesson each hour, each day brings while you are sick. It’s ok to be sick. To just be sick each day as it comes, is to defeat the sickness. To sit with your anger, or sit with your sadness, or with your disappointment, or with your lack of a partner, your loneliness, your insecurity – to sit with it instead of fighting against it so much, is how you overcome these things. To simply BE.
I was curious about the names of the Morrigan I’d heard, so a friend and I did some research. I wasn’t familiar with “Bay” but it turns out one of her names or aspects is Badh Catha (from my research could be pronounced Bive Ca-ha), which could be me hearing “Bay” as she was reciting her names. Also Nevin could have been Nemain (pronounced Neh-mon) which I possibly heard as Nevin. Interestingly, Badh Catha means “battle crow” as Badh is the word for crow.
I am clairvoyant, some points in my life it’s been a blessing and some points a curse, as have all of my gifts and talents. I’ve been labeled as a sinful heathen, as well as been respected for my spiritual insight – sometimes at the same time in my life. I am sure anyone with certain gifts has felt this way, regardless of what spiritual path you walk.
I have visions, take spiritual journeys, and deal with the spirit world a lot in my life. But, I have never had a vision this crystal clear in its entirety. My mother thinks that perhaps due to my illness I received this vision so clearly partly because of my diet, since I’ve been eating only things that agree with my sensitivities during the past 7 or so days so far. Also, no red meat, as I had one little bite and it bothered my throat. Only chicken, fruit, veggies, rice, coconut, eggs, lots of tea and water. So, in a sense, my system is cleaner so perhaps I am able to channel my gifts better. It is something to think about. Also, yesterday I ended up needing a steroid shot due to complications with whatever is going on with me (shingles is one thing, but not all apparently), and that night is when I had this clear vision, so anything that was giving me allergic reactions was possibly swept clean by the steroid shot giving me more clear thinking.
Whatever allowed this incredible teaching journey to happen in such clarity, I am grateful. I feel like this is a divine channeled message that is meant for more than me. It is truly a watershed moment for me, giving me deeper insight into the idea of not “doing”, but “being”. Thank you, Morrigan, for the continued guidance this aspect of the Divine Source grants me. Thank you to all who have been praying, sending healing energy, and continued support and encouragement to me to continue on my path and recover quickly.
To defeat the sickness, be the sickness.
To defeat the anger, be the anger.
To defeat the boredom, be bored.
To defeat loneliness, be lonely.
To defeat sadness, be sad.
To defeat it, be it.
